countdown to a wedding

Hey kids... didn't you listen? This blog is sooooo over.

Its time to move on...

http://www.oesterle-crowther.com/oc/weblog/weblog.asp

What a day. Eight hours at work and I've feel like I've accomplished not-a-damn-thing. It's so frustrating trying desperately to work and all you here is someone's GRATING voice in the background ALL DAY. Constantly. I was completely unaware that someone could a) use so many words to say so little and b) speak these words at such a tempo and volume as to be heard by not only the person being spoke AT (not a flippant choice of words) but the entire Greater Manchester area. IT LIKE IF I SPOKE LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME. Yes, I'm American and heir to one of the most droning accents in the world, but seriously, I'm practically suicidal after today.

I think tomorrow is going to be a short day. No, tomorrow might be a come-into-work-late-and-stay-late day to minimise contact with THE VOICE. Its this or building a small fortress around my desk and pelting all those who draw near with spit-wads. A very Dilbertesque idea. Might consider recruiting some of my like-minded work mates to build a barricade. Fantastic Friday afternoon activity. I'll be sure to post photos.

Which of course takes me back to the wedding photos. Four words. Pain. In. My. Ass. I've put in way too much work for an album that will be shoved onto a shelf somewhere only to be brought out to torture innocent house guests. (The only good thin is that there are some SUPERB pictures of me - if your going to torture guests, might as well do it will pretty pictures). It will be done tonight and may it never-ever darken my door again. But remember, if you come 'round and Giles reaches for that shelf... run like you're being chased by Mr Bush and the Religious Right (The logic being that the same people who want to look at the photos will also want to talk to the Bushster).

And I have some good news (or bad news, depending on how you deal with change) I'm retiring this weblog (GASP! SHOCK-HORROR! SOBS!). Before you start pining for the good old days when I was a raving-panic-stricken-bride-to-be we all need to take a good look at ourselves and think "Was I really going to spend the rest of my life enjoying the slow-and-painful deterioration of this poor girl?" No. It would be cruel and unusual (most countries have a law against it) and a little bit sad as well. I am actually a normally sane, if eccentric person. Please don't label me.

I need a change. Really I do. I'm stuck in a rut with all this wedding stuff and want to move on, but feel like I can't while I still have the "countdown to a wedding" weblog. It's holding me in the past when I just want to embrace the future hand in hand with my new husband frolicking in our new life together.

And Ninety-nine percent of that was complete bollocks*.

I'm done with weddings now (excepting the occasional attendance and mild misbehaviour), so I'm done with the weblog. It will however rise from its own ashes; I've started putting together a new site. Granted, it WAS technically one of my pre-exam assignments but I killed two birds with one stone.

--Can I just say, I spent all BANK HOLIDAY weekend on these pre-exam assignments. I WANTED TO CRY. Actually, I wanted to go down to the pub. I've already had one marked and I passed (little dance)! Only three more..--

So the new weblog - as of next Monday - will be re-incarnated as... don't know yet. I haven't really come up with a catchy name as such... but I promise I'll have one by next week (or so). But it will be a bit more well rounded and the subject won't be as focused as me fitting about a wedding. It will probably be more like... me fitting about anything and everything and a cleaver and infinitely readable way. I might give Giles a guest spot to shake things up a bit, though I might have to censor him. He gets a bit out of hand sometimes. BTW is sarcasm obvious over the internet?

If you want a sneak peek visit www.oesterle-crowther.com/oc. Its like AND ENTIRE SITE JUST LIKE THIS WEBLOG! Oh! My! God!

Enjoy!

* I just had a spark of inspiration but I can't add it in here because you wouldn't understand until you read further. Add a British-American glossary to the website! How many Americans can pronounce bollocks let along know what it means? Absolute genius!

Its Monday again (boo) and we've all had a fabulous day back at work (true, if you are one of the .001% of the population that has a leap-out-of-bed-can't-wait-to-start-another-day-job or a sadist) . My day, like all days started with 3 cups of instant coffee - hmmmm, coffee powder sprayed onto globs of fat, yummy - a number of irritating bugs in the website, and a general sulk. Avoid me on Monday mornings... nothing good will come of trying to make contact.
I do truly wish I enjoyed my job. I used to. I was once one of those wildly motivated and optimistic young employees that put every ounce of energy into going above-and-beyond the call of duty KNOWING that there efforts will be recognised and rewarded. Four years on, I have to poke myself in the eye to get myself out of bed on a normal day. So are we all feeling good about ourselves now!?!

Its great having a little whinge, isn't it. Especially when, a) the people/place/situation your moaning about aren't aware of it and b) there are people out there who might actually have a twinge of sympathy (or is it empathy? Potentially both, depending on your current situation) . Of course, when writing a weblog there is always the danger that one of the people from the place or situation may stumble upon the complaints. To this I say, oh well, its well time they know about it anyway! (I'm sure I'll feel the same way when the P45 is sitting on my desk...)

Now for positive thoughts! The sanding/varnishing of the front room is a huge success! It looks totally fab. Granted, we've had to clean the house three times to get rid of the thin layer (and sometimes not so thin) of sawdust that has settled everywhere (did you know that sawdust can attach itself to walls?) and the Sky box (cable) has bit the dust (literally, it didn't like being covered in dust and died in protest) , but otherwise G and I are happy with the results. The next "housing" project is the loft conversion; builders in my house for three weeks tracking mud everywhere - fun. But at least when its over I can scurry upstairs and hide whenever G is after me to do some onerous chore (cooking, cleaning, you know the drill) .

Other than the excitement of sawdust, the rest of the week has been pretty quiet. I've studied for my exams (good girl!) and did the first of my pre-examination assignments today. I wasn't actually a very good girl ;-0 -- I kinda peeked at the assignments to see the kind of questions I needed to answer (I couldn't help it, I'm naturally curious). So two assignments are pretty easy, and two are going to be - how should I put it - a bitch. I'm going to try to get one of the difficult ones done tomorrow maybe and leave the other one to Saturday? Or maybe I should just get them both over with and leave the final easy one for Sunday. The easy one that is left, is easy: I need to design, plan and develop a simple website. Tempted to just give them the URL for the wedding website, but that might not be looked too well upon.

Instead, I might plan a newlyweds website - I need some new inspiration anyway. The wedding is over! Done! Finito! Then I can transfer the weblog, and we don't need to talk about weddings anymore! I'm running out of material anyway. The pictures are getting on my nerves (I know, I need to put some more on the site) , I still haven't written any thank yous (my goal is to have them done by mid-September - I think that's realistic) and who knows what I'm going to do with exceptionally_expensive-wedding_dress_in_the_closet (I keep meaning to put it on e-bay, but it just hangs there looking sad at me - yes, clinically insane, get the white coat out). I did actually by some new and exciting domain names: oesterle-crowther.com, booger-snots.com and mroandhismagicbus.com (don't ask, I'm not even sure why) . What I'm going to do with them, I_don't_know - but I'll have loads to keep me busy once the NASTY_EXAMS are over.

Worst bit about the timing of everything (my entire life is all about bad timing) is that this week is Mardi Gras (Manchester Gay Pride is the real name, but I've always know it as Mardi Gras) this week and Sean keeps tempting me with interesting and fun activities. Parades and parties all week! Thursday sounds especially superb - gay games- things like stiletto throwing and god knows what else. I mean, what more could you ask for in a night out? Large, camp, men chucking shoes at each other. I might have to work my exams around that one.

I *think* life is finally getting back to normal (o.k. as normal as my life will ever be. I already hear my mates sniggering in the background).

I won't say that too loud (or often) because it might jinx the normality and I'll find myself in some bazaar situation involving lizards and peanut butter (or something equally as weird - it happens...) . So what does normality breed? In me - the ability and desire to share my thoughts with the world, instead of the half-hearted attempts that I've published in the past two weeks.

Yahoo! I'm back. I can write. I'm funny(sniggering mates again)! I can now face the fact that I have a hundred-odd thank yous I still haven't written, a house that will soon become a building site, floor-sanders-varnisher-polishes arriving tomorrow and four exams scheduled in October that I'm currently cramming for(have I mentioned the exams? no? I'll spare the pain until later in the month). But its all good. I can look forward into the future and see the bright shining light at the end of the tunnel. That magical time when the house will be AS_IT_SHOULD, I no longer need to study JAVA (the programming language, not the coffee) and I will have more than 34 pence at the end of a month.

Until then I will share my pain and heartache with my loyal followers. BTW - By The Way (I was told I need a glossary for all internet abbreviations and English slang. Do I use that much slang?) - I've added new sections to the wedding website - a thank you to everyone that helped out (http://www.wedding.oesterle.net/wedding/thankyou.asp) and photos(
http://www.wedding.oesterle.net/wedding/weddingphotos.asp)

Its just a start, but I'll add more photos every few days and format it a bit better. I'm just relieved to finally get some photos up (it only took 3 weeks!). I'm going to teach G how to use Photoshop so he can start working on it as well. He's good at doing stuff that just needs doing whereas I get bored and wander off... I do have the world's shortest attention span (can't you tell?!?). I'm like the ADD kid next door and spends the entire day running in circles on the front lawn. The only time I'll sit down for more than an hour is in a movie theatre because its rude to leave halfway through.

Seriously. This webblog is a major achievement stemming from loads of discipline and just really liking the idea that people willing read what I write. So thank you all for making me stick with something. Hurrah for you!

I do think that work settling down has helped a bit. I actually worked JUST the required 7 1/2 hours today. I ran out the door at about 15 past 4. It felt so good to be free I went to the gym which felt good as well as I'm not flogging myself to stay thin for a wedding. I had a nice little jog on the treadmill, did some moderate weights, looked for good-looking men with firm bottoms, and finished up with a slightly challenging turn on the cross trainer. I may not end up looking like Kylie, but it was helluva lot more enjoyable than trying to do 1000 meters in under 4:30 (I can do it, but I can't speak for 15 minutes) .

And maybe now, you ask, that I've settled enough to think straight, I'll tell you about the wedding? NO! I refuse! You're going to have to suffer the curiosity of not knowing all the embarrassing things our family and friends got up to! Oooooo and where they embarrassing. There are some cracking stories to tell.

Just kidding. It all went off without a hitch. I probability already said that a few blogs earlier, but I'm prone to repeating myself (memory's going in my old age). It COULD have gone horribly wrong and ended up with me covered in stinky algae, but it didn't. It's because all of my friend are well behaved. (All the badly behaved ones stayed at home - Simon.) Fingers crossed my
sisters' or brother's weddings will be more interesting.

Truthfully, I think I'll forgo describing the wedding. They are pictures and a picture is worth a thousand words, right? Plus I've forgotten all of the clever anecdotes that may have sprung from the week... its too late to record them for posterity so let them die in peace. Of course more are being born every week. You see, brides and grooms are lulled into a false sense of security thinking that once the wedding is over, its over. WRONG. Once the wedding is over there are the aforementioned thank yous, the wedding list and the photos. Shall we talk about the photos?

They did turn out well (only a few instances of double chin and silly dancing) once we finally got them. Not meaning to slander the photographers, but they really FILL_IN_APPROPRIATE_WORD-ed up. For whatever reason they didn't indicate that the pictures where SAMPLES and subsequently we where charged £120 VAT (value added tax) for our photos that we have to send back in two weeks. We can claim it back, but, this will do us NO GOOD because our £120 is now in the British government coffers only to be returned when the forms are filled out in triplicate accompanied by evidence of returning the package and a letter from the president of the united states who we're not even sure can spell his own name.

So the likelihood of ever seeing our money again is nil. Arrggh. Any reader out there have a close friend in Customs and Excise? Please? I need the money to feed my poor starving husband?

I do think I’ve lost the knack of writing. Really truly. I’ve sat down umpteen times today and just stared at the screen desperately trying to think of something intelligent, witty or simply just amusing to write on my weblog. And what do I come up with: zilch, nada, nothing. Maybe now that I’m not ridiculously highly strung from the wedding my creative urge has left me. Relaxation has destroyed by biting whit and stolen my ability to create a nicely turned phrase. Or maybe, now I’ve returned to a (mundane) day-to-day routine, I just don’t have anything interesting to say. Whatever the reason… the thoughts aren’t really flowing.

I’ve just sent Giles out for ice cream – at least now that I’ve successfully fit into “the dress”(all the dresses really, I was just as concerned about the Reception dress as I was the Wedding dress) I can eat loads of ice cream. I’m secretly planning to become exceptionally fat and spotty, stop shaving my legs and not bother with make-up – but don’t tell Giles. Maybe the ice cream will help with the creative block. At very least it will taste yummy.

My other problem at the moment is my computers are plotting against me. The arse o a computer that I’m on at the minute is running slower than a dead legless dog. I’m actually about five words ahead before it manages to display the words on the screen and because I’m the WORST_TYPIST_IN_THE_WORLD I have to go back and fix all of my typos. I should just publish the blog the way it comes out… then you will truly understand how badly I type (maybe next time) The b****rd laptop has decided to play silly buggers and occasionally “loose” its mouse function. It wouldn’t turn on the monitor about an hour ago.

It’s a sign. I should run off to Tahiti and make dolls out of coconuts and palm leaves.
I won’t be able to handle the misbehaving computers much longer so I think this is going to be a short one. Of course I have hundreds of things to do ON THE PC excepting the Thank you notes, which I worry about every day and then decide to start tomorrow. Giles I starting with his “Thank yous” tomorrow so I’m sure I’ll be guilted into it by the end of the month. Besides, I can’t find the “recommended” time you should get “Thank yous” out in. Anyone have a suggestion?

Giles is back – with Vienetta – and this computer has just ridden my last nerve. So I’m off.

I’ll get back to the wedding festivities tomorrow….

P.S I am planning on getting some photos onto the website soon. Be patient!

Hot damn am I knackered! I planned to have a short day today to gradually ease myself back into working life. Like all good plans, this one lasted, oh, about a nanosecond (for those of you who aren't technical, that not very long) . I strolled into work at the normal time of about 8:15 am. By 8:30, I was sitting in a meeting room having my back-to-work chat the with the Wormski (my team leader, Andrew, whose surname happens to be Wormleighton. And I've complained about Oesterle being difficult! Not only does him name sound as though it should have a number following it - he would make a superb Andrew Wormleigton the third - but he was always last in line at school). This chat started off with, "we have an incredibly complex site to deliver for Aug 13," and finished with "we've hired a contractor in to help out and you need to train him- he starts in 20 minutes."

So alongside the ever present "Mrs" jokes and the questions about the Wedding, I've spent the entire day either working with the new contractor or getting up to speed with my assigned tasks and timescales. It went a bit like this: "task 'x-y-z' says it will take 45 man hours - you can get it done in half that, right?" So my leisurely 7 hour work day turned into a 8.5 hour marathon, and I expect no less until the site goes into the testing cycle on August 13th.
Meanwhile, I'm swiftly moving towards narcolepsy.

Right. Chapter 2: Essential Wedding Preparations.

Essential wedding preparations are commonly mistaken for the last minute details that need to be taken care of prior to the wedding. They tend to be known quantities that are expected and scheduled according.

Except in my case. While I did have a list of errands I needed to run, the list seemed to swell instead of shrink as the week went on. On Monday, I went to visit the photographer. Easy enough; you walk in, talk about poses and positions, find out when he will be arriving and where to be and Bob's your uncle, you're set. It would have been this easy if the photographer didn't insist on answering EVERY SINGLE QUERY IN MINUTE DETAIL. Don't get me wrong, I like knowing things. This is why I asked questions in the first place, but I don't need to know the entire 20 year lifecycle explaining the development of his technique. Just spit it out and be done with it.

The next day was the flowers and some "light" decoration. We must have detailed every single flower for every single centrepiece, corsage, bouquet and other adornment that was needed for the wedding. By the end I know every colour flower that was included in the decor and what country it was shipped in from. All I remember is Giles had a white Gerbera, and Charlie made a pretty piece with feathers for my hair. The "light" decoration was just that: me up a stepladder twisting fairy lights around the rafters in the pavilion outside the summer house. I wanted fairy lights at my wedding, and if the only way I was going to get them was to do it myself, so be it.
So flowers, lights, and pictures are out of the way - what's next? The dentist. Little did I know a simple cleaning would result in having to return the next day to have four teeth "sandblasted" to remove little cavities. There went four hours of my life and a hefty bit of my bank balance. But I don' have any cavities (score!) and the dentist fixed my chipped front tooth. After the initial visit to the dentist on Thursday, Jo and went to the Indiana Dunes State Park. Now I've never had a bad day at the Dunes (that I can remember) Wednesday was hot, muggy, overcast and windy. Picture this: two white little sun deprived bodies slathered in sun lotion laying in the middle of the beach being buffeted by particles of sand. This trip was a testimony to what women will do to get a bit of colour on their skin! There was no sun to speak of so the sun lotion served very little purpose other than to make it easier for the sand to stick to us. I was proud of Jo, she stuck it out 45 minutes longer than I expected.

While I could go on and on and on about the various other activities that cropped up- the fake nails, the numerous trips to the drug store for "stuff" and my constant cravings for Dairy Queen Chocolate Chip milkshakes - I think I'll spare you the tedious details. The only other chore I needed to do by the end of Thursday was get the marriage licence, and that came off without a hitch. The women at the Courthouse struggled with the passports and the English licence (that really was a sight - a middle aged women just not getting that English licences had a paper bit AND a card bit) but, we made it through.

And that was that. Which will leave us to the best and final chapter: The Parties. Stay tuned!

I'm sure my house has shrunk since I left three weeks ago. Or maybe living in my Dad's ENORMOUS house with 15 foot ceilings has just made it seem a wee bit smaller (my entire little semi-detached would fit into my Dad's utility room). Either way, there is NOT ENOUGH ROOM! I keep telling myself "we live in England and space is at a premium," but what I'm really thinking is: "I want to be able to swing a cat in my front room!" (not that I ever would). Is it asking too much to be able to walk around your bed without turning sidewise, or have more than two dirty dishes in the kitchen without fear of avalanche? Currently, I have to walk to another room in the morning- one without curtains I might add- to pick out my knickers.

Giles has spent the last two days attempting to talk to me through my haze of jet lag about the state of our new house. True, we do need curtains. True, we have "all natural sea grass carpet" (yuk) throughout the entire house. And true, the shower curtain is harbouring a colony of creatures. At least the bathroom can be cleaned (did it today!) . The rest of it needs thought, planning, workmen, and money. Sometimes I wish we had stayed in the old house. Yes, it was in the middle-of-no-where-fun, but at least it was decorated and had a "Stylish Interior" (that's what the "for sale" sign said!) . I know why the people who lived here before moved out, I'm just not sure why we decided to move in!

So for the next year we will be painting and sanding and hanging and spending loads of money to make 21 Barnes Avenue habitable. We'll probably stop speaking to each other, but who said a healthy marriage requires constant communication? I think silence is a GOOD THING.
I'm sure I'll have lots to say when we finally decide to start the whole process. It Definitely won't be boring. But back to the wedding - that IS what started this blog, isn't it? So I'll start with

Chapter 1: the Bridal Showers.

For those who don't know, a bridal shower is a chance for your friends and your mothers friends to throw a party in your honour. These are big deal in the States and can range from a small get together to a huge lavish affair. A bride can expect to have at least one to as many as PICK-A-NUMBER bridal showers depending on the circle of friends and her proximity to said friends.

I had two bridal showers thrown for me. Both were lots of fun, and not just because I was fawned over and given presents though I DID really enjoy that part. It was just incredibly flattering that two women who hadn't seen me in years (truly) through me such fantastic parties. Jane's was on Sunday at her house, I'm sure I mentioned it earlier, and we had Mimosas (Buck's Fizz to the English) upon arrival and then after a HUGE number of pictures were taken and I saw people I hadn't seen for years upon years, we sat down to a fantastic lunch. I'm sure Midwestern ladies throw the best luncheons. The food was all made by the host and would easily put me to shame. There were even little white chocolate boxes filled with pink chocolate as table favours. Note to self: never invite these ladies to lunch and try to cook for them - scrambles eggs on toast is not an option!

Rosemary's shower was on Friday at Woodmar, the Country Club we all used to go to as kids. By then I was exhausted from running essential wedding-preparation errands (as will be detailed in the next chapter). As usual, we arrived a bit late, but I was the bride and the party couldn't start without me could it ( girls, here's a tip for when you get married: the bride can get away with almost anything!) ? So after almost entering the party on my backside (the wooden floors are not made for high heels) I wandered through the party in a sleep deprived, wine induced haze. Of course, I still had a ball. Rosemary's daughter, Sarah, travelled up from Indianapolis (she's a clinical pathologist, and no, she doesn't cut up dead people, I asked!) and she made some fantastic desserts. I stuffed myself on chocolate-chip-cookie-dough cheese cake and chocolate covered strawberries. (Another tip: the food you eat the night BEFORE your wedding won't show up until the honeymoon. By then it doesn't really matter, you're already married!)

So a short summary on bridal showers for the un-initiated. You dress up. People you haven't seen for years tell you how beautiful you look. You get to drink Champagne and eat delicious food. And then, people give you fantastic presents! I will never have to buy another handbag ever again. English women, you are missing out!

So here ends the chapter on the bridal showers. Next chapter: Essential Wedding Preparations or "All the things that need to be done that no one told you about until the week before the wedding."